I'm in total awe of the fullness of God's unconditional love and grace He has over me and my family. I'm not saying that I feel this way all the time, I still have lots of trust issues with Him, but He knows that and we are dealing with them. One thing that I am sure of is that in chaotic and heart breaking times, God shows that He is still there, loving us, holding us up and comforting us. At least that has been my experience in losing Charlie and now, Andy. In January, we found out that we were expecting, again.
We (I) was a little shocked because I was taking birth control pills and they always work, right? We weren't trying or planning on having another baby, at this time. I'll admit at first I was worried and not too excited because I didn't want to do this alone again, having a child in the middle of a deployment, like Ethan. Not just for me but for Jeremiah, missing out on so many things that he never got to experience with Ethan. I know he was heartbroken when I had to tell him on the phone about Ethan rolling over ( I did video it, too!) . But then I looked at the bigger plan, the bigger picture. We were going to have 2 children. 2 very unique gifts God created to be brought into this world. That God entrusts this responsibility of 2 children to Jeremiah and I. WOW. God created this child for a purpose, for a reason. Like Charlie. Like Andy.
So, needless to say, we are extremely excited about this new miracle in our lives. I've already felt him/her kick. I have a little belly. They should write a manual on how things with the 2nd child comes quicker. Belly pops out sooner, and you feel things sooner-maybe because we've already experienced this once and know what a kick or flutter feels like. The time is quickly flying by with this pregnancy. I'm beginning to feel like I'm in the nesting phase and have monsterous (I don't know if that's really a word :p) amounts of energy, even after chasing Ethan around all day. I tell him everyday that he will be a big brother and pat my belly and say, "Baby!" He responds with echoing my words, "Babee!"
Today I (Jeremiah was out flying :( was able to see our baby for the first time. This ultrasound was to determine the exact due date, because again, this child wasn't planned by us. We will get another one in 5 more weeks! I was totally stoked because I had to wait until 20 weeks with Ethan. After holding my bladder for an hour-yikes!- I was able to see him/her. My heart is smitten.
Here are the stats:
Measuring: 15 weeks, 3 days
Sex: don't know yet-little stinker had his/her legs crossed and a bit too early
Weight: 4 ounces
Due Date: October 1, 2010
On a side note, today is a special day for me. Not only did I see our baby, but 9 years ago, Charlie asked me to date him. I find it so special when God uses dates that normally would make me sad, into a joyous event. So in keeping of the spirit of this 'anniversary', here is the first picture that Charlie and I ever took together. His face is a little red, he was allergic to alcohol, but apparently that didn't stop him.
Mary-Anne & Charlie
I love you and miss you!