My Heritage.

Before I write some thoughts I have down, I want to apologize for not writing in almost two months. It's a shame, really-because I do have time but have no motivation and I know once this Baby Girl comes I will have less time, so I will most definitely try (even if it's a few lines or just photos!) to update you on what's going on with the Kline's! 

Ok. Here it goes. I've kept lots of things inside of me for the past, almost 10 months. A lot has happened in the last 10 months, mostly awful, but a few joyous. This week should be a very exciting and happy week~the week that my daughter is to be born (if she isn't stubborn like her brother =) And really, I'm not as excited as I should be and that hurts my heart. For one, Jeremiah won't be here for the birth, which is ok because he will get to spend all 14 days with all of us at Christmas, he almost missed Ethan's birth and I will be able to look presentable to my husband-and ladies we all know what I mean, right?! But that really isn't the big issue. The big issue is that as we will be welcoming a new member into our family, we also lost a member of our family 10 months ago, who should be here, rejoicing with us over this new arrival. My Daughter will never know her amazing Uncle, who would have been (and I know that he knows!) so excited to know that he was getting a niece. I've realized for the past few weeks that I haven't even begun to grieve for Andy, in any shape or form. I've cried, heard songs on KLOVE that remind me of him and have cried over those, and yes it helps, but I haven't seen a counselor or actually talked through my feelings of loss for my little brother. I told my Mom the other night that, "I don't have the time to grieve for him yet." I guess I feel like I need to set aside 2 weeks of crying to starting my grieving process, but with almost 2 kids, that is not reality. 

The other night as I was filling out Baby Girl's family tree section of her baby book, I came across the section, "Mother's Brothers." I just filled in Andy's name like it was nothing. It took me a few moments to realize that he would not be here to meet her. He would not be calling the hospital, like he did when Ethan was born, talking to me. He would not be updating his facebook status, telling the world that he was a proud Uncle, again. 

With Charlie it seemed easy to grieve. I'm not really sure why and really the word "easy" isn't the right word at all-grieving takes work, is emotional draining, and physically exhausting. And I think for me, I don't want to think about Andy not being on this earth. It's "easier" to "pretend" that he is alive, living with Shannon and they are as happy as can be. At times I have arguments with God, I used to feel pretty guilty that I was even mad with God. But as a very wise Chaplain told me, "God already knows what you are thinking, and He can take it!" I'm reminded that Jesus grieved and wept for his friend Lazarus. So, Jesus knows what the human heart feels like when we experience deaths in our family and friends. But it's so hard to wonder God's perfect plan in all this when many wonderful Christians, who could have done wonderous things on this earth to further His kingdom die. 

This is just the tip of the iceberg for me in letting these feelings out. I know it was pretty deep, but thank you for listening and if the LORD leads you to pray for me, our family, and Andy's wife Shannon, we would appreciate it. 

The day of Baby Girl's birth will be wonderful, no doubt about that, and as I'm typing this I'm getting very excited about meeting her. God has already picked out her Birth Day, and maybe even Andy knows. I know that Andy will be rejoicing up there, but I do so desperately want him to be rejoicing with us down here. 

Missing Daddy.

Jeremiah has only been gone for almost 7 weeks (totally not counting, right?! =) Ethan has been wonderful and we've gotten into a routine. He mentions Daddy in photos on our walls, listens to Daddy's voice before bed time and we pray for Daddy every night. 

But recently we've gotten into such a routine that I haven't played many videos of Daddy. We recorded a whole bunch before he left-Daddy reading (some of Ethan's favorite books!) to Ethan and playing with Ethan. By his reaction to "seeing" Daddy on Sunday and Monday nights, I realized that Ethan has to watch a video everyday-even if it's a video we've seen a billion times-all he wants to see is Daddy. He especially loves the ones of him and Daddy playing-it really is hilarious to watch him, watching himself =) 

So tonight, as I was making dinner, he got out, by himself, some albums and pointed out Daddy. It really broke my heart. He isn't at the age to "cry" over Daddy not being here but certainly misses him. It hurt my heart to see Ethan longing for his Daddy. He misses the rowdy-ness, the piggyback rides (which I certainly can not give him or it would be funny to watch!) and all the things that Daddies are especially awesome for! 

It was easy the first time Daddy was gone. Ethan was a newborn and didn't know any different and all he needed was me to survive. I'm really seeing the reality of deployments on children, and I only have one. I can't imagine mothers who have 2-4 or 5 children. All I can do as Ethan's mother is give him lots more attention and just love on him. Things are changing all around us as we will be welcoming baby girl in just 2 short months. I'm thoroughly enjoying this time with my precious boy, but I wish and long with all my heart that Jeremiah could be here. 

We miss you and love you Daddy!

A lazy day at home.

(Just an FYI, our lazy day was Thursday! I guess I was having too much fun being lazy and didn't post this-Ha!)

I really love lazy days at home. If I get a shower, great, if not, no biggie. I don't have to put on make-up because I don't have anyone to impress. Ethan has to love me because I'm his mommy and he thinks I look and smell just fine with no make-up and no shower. It might sound pretty gross, but again, I love days like this. I don't have to 'pretend' to be anyone else, I can just be me. Plus, I secretly love to get things done around the house-I know it's really an obsession-just call me Monica! 


Well, today I also felt like being cozy and baking. I asked for some favorite banana nut bread recipes from some friends and I received many. I don't really have my own recipe for this concoction, so I was eager to try any recipe that sounded amazing.  I took two recipes that I got from friends and sort of combined them, since most of the recipe was the exact same! Wowza it came out amazing! So thank you Keli and Thailia for your recipes! 

Another 'recipe' that I wanted to make was something that started when I was a young child. Andy and I really had the best childhood and two amazing parents. The best part to me about being a parent myself is to pass down favorite memories and activities that I had and did as a child and create them for Ethan. I want Ethan to have the best childhood that I and Jeremiah can give him-even if we are inside most days because of the horrendous heat! Nothing goes great with a cozy memory than an intoxicating smell! I just so happened to have all the ingredients for this 'recipe' that my mom received from her mother-in-law, my Nonie. I'm sure it's nothing new. I'm sure hundreds of families use this to create aroma in their home. But for me, nothing smells better or brings back very special memories than stove-top potpourri. The ingredients I use are similar to fall smells and although it isn't fall yet, I could still smell the awesome aroma of autumn in my home.  Here is the 'recipe' but really I don't measure the ingredients, I just eye-ball it.


Stove-top Potpourri:
A little trick~ Use more of each ingredient when you want a stronger smell!
2 cups orange juice (I do add more, depending on how many hours I heat)
2-3 cinnamon sticks (or if you prefer, 1-2 T Cinnamon)
4 apple slices (again, you can add more or less)
6-8 whole cloves (or if prefer, 1-2 T ground cloves)
1 T ground allspice
1 T ground nutmeg (I didn't have any on hand, so I 
didn't use it!)

And of course no lazy day would be complete without happenings from my little guy! As I was being "Betty Homemaker" in my no make-up or showered self, Ethan was getting into the markers and wrote all over himself. I couldn't blame him really, after all I did give them to him myself thinking that he would actually do what I said and color/draw on the paper. It just goes to show you that an almost 2 year old has a mind all his own!

Happy 4th!

Nothing says Fourth of July like...

talking to my love on the phone <3 

playing with my little firecracker outside

(and that he surely is=) 

eating watermelon

swimming 

eating more watermelon & relaxing =)

and devouring some apple pie!

I hope everyone had a very Happy Fourth of July! Ours was great and relaxing! But it will be even better next year with baby girl and Jeremiah here with us to celebrate! We can't wait =)

"Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD,

the people he chose for his inheritance.

From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind;

from his dwelling place he watches all who live on

earth...The eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, 

on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.

Psalm 33: 12-14, 18 NIV